health enhancement or a loss of freedom

It's been nearly a year since my last post. Funny thing is I love to write but usually it's in response to some topic that interests me or in my private notebooks to sift through my thoughts. Today though, I think I will share my thoughts on the latest health care plan, the one my husbands work placed at our door. I'm sure their intentions are good as I've spoken to someone who is supposed to be representing us and she swears it's wonderful. This "health enhancement program" is meant to serve as disease prevention only it's been laid out in such a way that if we do not accept their terms we are penalized substantially. Huge co-pays and a large deductible for each family member plus the regular pay roll deductions seems to me that it's more of an arm twisting than good intentioned program. What could be wrong with it, you may wonder. So many do not even have decent insurance or they pay way too much, I know. This is why it's time we work on a solution to make health care right for all concerned and not just serve our government.

As a member who is over 50yrs. I would be on the list for annual physicals, something I've done quite well without. I see a doctor each year for blood work that can give a good md. quite a bit of information depending on tests ordered. I appreciate this and wouldn't mind if they did CBC (complete blood count) opposed to violating my body every year. Apparently this isn't enough. They want us all in for all sorts of poking and probing regardless of what we think on the matter. Some may appreciate this "great" care but for some reason I do not not. Instead I see it as a violation of my rights. Over the years I have learned much about nutrition and different ways to prevent disease such as diabetes and other such older age stuff. My interests have led me to more natural conclusions regarding health care. There were times I told my doctor how to best take iron supplements as when I asked him how much he wasn't sure. I had already researched it and knew what was safest when diet alone wasn't enough.

When I see pharmaceutical sales reps sitting in the waiting room, only 3 months since the last visit, with their bag of goodies how are we to expect decent care. After all, the Dr. is motivated by the perks given when he/she dispenses and prescribes such a treat. And yes they are more willing to do this than to look to good nutrition and exercise.
I wonder, if the intent is to help us all have better health why aren't there national FREE gym memberships offering each person up to an hour a day? I wonder why they'd spend thousands over the life time for hypertension or diabetes but not offer a FREE treadmill, bike, yoga classes, or even dance classes to help those who can not afford such luxuries? In the long run they'd be showing me they really care about my health. Movement,proper nutrition, sometimes specific diets, can go further in healing than a pill. A pill makes the pharmaceuticals very happy, I'm sure. It also makes all the shareholders happy as well. But is it the answer we want put on us?
In many ways I feel medicine has failed us. Many family members have had their health damaged by improper care even though they went through the preventative steps to see what was wrong. Yes, even medicine for high blood pressure can ruin your kidneys. I am for good health. I just see a different way of healing people than forcing us to use your test machines Mr. Man. I want honesty. Not your bullshit. I do not care what Europe or Canada has done. We can and should improve upon it...not make our care worse.
I would really like to walk more in the winter but many days here it is either too miserable out or dark too early. For now I will continue my search for a woman in medicine that I feel I can trust since I am forced to begin this new program. Shame on those who did this to us. I do believe we've lost some freedoms with this kind of plan though the name implies otherwise. I will not be fooled.

family friendly jury duty

Family friendly jury duty is not something I ever found reason to give much thought to until recently. What is it? Well, it's a law that allows a caretaker, who is summoned for jury duty, to take a postponement to serve rather than be forced to leave their young child or person with a disability or illness. It's a good law and many states have adopted it to prevent new mother's and caretakers from being penalized.

There are some who feel that jury duty is such a civic duty that anyone who dares to ask for a postponement is anti-American. The irony is that some of these people have not been summoned in years or never at all.
I have heard the arguments against it but any mother or carer will appreciate the value of not breaking the law to postpone jury duty till a time that the one that needs them is ready to be left with others. I know many women go to work when their infants are a mere 6 weeks old. Some are heart sick about this but they need the income. Some are anxious to get back where they feel most needed, at work, they believe. A few simply leave their babes with a day care to go home and be with friends or go shopping. I can not speak for their needs but I can speak for Oona, until she finds her voice. She needs her mama right now and her mama is happy to put her first. Yes, she has others to care for her and if there was an emergency she would survive. But is jury duty an emergency? Is it a valid reason to tear an infant or small child from their mother, or a sick person from their main carer? If only I could stand in, or if Oona's daddy was called instead.

Perhaps I am too analytical but I see how the law to make family friendly jury duty is one we should adopt in every state. We should have compassion. In fact it's a law I assumed was already in place in my state and all others. Carers will make good jury duty members when they have time to focus on a case without undo stress of worrying about the one they left home.
No more penalties for those who need postponement. No mothers given a night in jail as happened in one case. No hefty fines. No more denials for a mother speaking the truth. Her child isn't her hardship, it's her first duty!

love

I am Oona's grandma! She's not quite 2 weeks old an already I am thinking of her life and how we must teach her to use her voice, be strong, and stand up for herself. How hard it is, for so many women today, to know how to speak up for what they need. Some try and are so assertive they bite. Instead of being able to take charge of their own life they somehow want to boss the world around and expect it to bow to their needs. Somehow they confuse empowerment with POWER. Perhaps sometimes we need to bare teeth. Just as we need to cry or even howl we are born with all our emotions. I hoped I raised my own kids to know this. This is their birthright. There are times to be quiet and meditate but there are also times to be enraged. I think too many of us end up sick, dying from lack of song, lack of using our voice.
So, for our Oona, I pray she finds her voice and never surrenders it. Be it writing, song, or voice....I pray she always stands for what is right for her. I hope that others, the wise and kind, will guide her when she does not know. Mostly, I hope she questions the world when it fails her and does not sit by passively accepting less than she deserves. It can be hard work being a woman. For now she's a baby girl with a grandma who wants better for her than she had for herself. For now we will give her love to build her strength and character. I have a feeling Oona will teach me to forgive. She will help me know when to fight and when to let go. I am honored to be Oona's grandma. I am in love again.

Will take my own advice to heart and revive my blog, for myself. Writing it down has been my way to take a closer look at myself, sometimes setting me free, other times keeping me stuck. Either way it helps me touch bases with what's going on with myself so I do not spend a lifetime stuck repeating the same damn mistakes when there are others to explore.

If someone wanders in don't be afraid to say hi.

promises to myself

Making resolutions for the New Year has never been one of my strong points. I tend to lead an existence that allows for flexibility which means I tend to fit into my day whatever suits my needs. Seems that I spend too much of my time cleaning or sorting so I think one thing I must do is to keep moving forward and get rid of a whole ton of stuff and making space for great projects. Since we haven't moved in nearly 28yrs. we've done more accumulating than purging of stuff. It's time for a fresh start without necessarily moving house. I've tackled some in the last year so this is just a continuation. So...to be continued.

Next is a more spiritual aspect of life. I am going to work on doing more for myself. I have a tendency to wait for a request before I move forward. Sometimes it's hard to make time for myself. All those things I used to do seem superficial compared to connecting with others. I've been rethinking this.
Maybe an oil painting can be fit in.
Maybe those half started stories I've begun writing need an ending.
The sewing machine needs a place again.
I will have to start making my own requests and learning to put forth some of my work that's been on hold. Talents are gifts and to not use them is said to be a "sin" or a waste. So, regardless of what others may think I will start clearing my own path, never minding if another soul notices or cares. I will care, not just about others getting ahead, but about myself. I will remember that quote I loved to carry, that it will matter more to me whether I do or don't do something for myself than to anyone else.
I may not have much to offer but what I have is mine to give so I need to get off my ass and begin creating again. And this is the gift I will give to me in the coming days. A little bit for me.
What is it you deserve and have put off, perhaps while taking care of everyone else or the petty clutter life placed along your path?
I wonder.

a short sabbatical in the mountains

Yes, it only took a few hours between hiking the short but steep trail and getting back to the car but I have to get my breaks wherever I find them. It sure beat doing the paperwork! And I got to see a peregrine falcon take flight from a tree while still on the trail up. They are a protected species though their prey is other smaller birdies so it's a sad story.
I also spotted a teeny tiny black snake with a yellow ring around his teeny tiny neck, venomous no doubt. ( all of 4" and thinner than a pencil) Also 2 woodland chipmunks and even a fly, for good measure, at the top of the cliffs. No, I did not see the black bears or moose as it was day time and they saw us first....and smelled us.

vitamin D and the armchair scientist guniea pig

I'm not sure what took so long but it's only been in the last year that we have been told that we all need way more vitamin D than the former daily amount we were told we needed. It not only helps with stronger bones but helps fight certain cancers as well.
My doc said he's testing the D levels of all his patients. When he checked my D it came back way too low and he put me on a prescription for D, a once a week capsule for 3 months. Apparently it did the trick as my D shot right up to normal. Only problem was my sensitivity to aspirin. The prescribed D has an aspirin product in it and it made me ache. I can take an over the counter vitamin D, 2000 units, now and it's safe for me. (I take it with calcium on the side) My teeth might have fared much better cavity wise had this info been available long ago! He suggested this amount even after my D normalized.

My sister also happened to be on the same vit.D therapy as me only a few weeks earlier. She found her aches disappearing as the D was helping to heal her. Others who've opted to give the vitamin a try without getting a test also found that aches and pains, from what they believed was arthritis, are also finding that it relieves these aches.
There is one other interesting quality that my sis has noticed, the vitamin has given her a sense of fullness after eating that she never had before. I never knew this "secret" though she was always a "big" girl, by nature. I learned that she never had a shut off feeling, like many of us feel when we've eaten too much. She walked, she tried diets, and then she finally accepted herself as being big. She ate privately and hates when anyone eats in front of her but she also has a busy life with teen boys and is going to school herself in the last few years. When my mom stayed at her house she noticed that my sis could eat huge amounts of food....enough for several people. My mom can eat so she wasn't being cruel but was seriously concerned. I hope not to offend anyone. I feel that those who binge have a legitimate ED which needs attention and the more natural the treatment the better.

So, will vitamin D cure that broken shut off or "I've had enough" feeling? I'm not sure. Maybe it will help. It certainly doesn't hurt that she now eats less because she can feel fullness! Now that we are speaking openly about it I can ask her how she's doing. She feels that it's had an amazing effect on her health. It may be something to do with any deficiency...not just D. I'm not sure.

I just wanted this info out here because others may be noting a similar experience. I'd like some feedback on this. Maybe we would have figured this out a long time ago if people talked the way we do on the internet today.

It may be a good idea to get your vitamin D levels checked on your next checkup or just add it to your list of nutrients you might/probably need more of.

RING THE BELLS

A wedding is being planned! My Bonnie Rose and Jake are getting hitched.....hand fasting and dancing and of course...of course,there will be music. And love!
We will plan for a beautiful day. That's the best thing to do.

I'd like it to be here, at the house where she was born, but it may be at a special place wherever the 2 of them would like.
The date isn't exact but it will be THEIR day no matter what they decide.
A dress will be made. There are many little things to be done in the coming year to prepare. This old house shall transform itself with the help of many hands.

More flowers will be planted than ever before. The fairies will decorate, no doubt.


Ring the bells! Ring the bells!

lions, tigers, and bears

Sometimes the journey is worth the find at the end of the path. I do believe the 3 miles it said it took to hike to this fall was more like 5! It's all perspective, I know, and if we had gone earlier in the day it might have been an easier hike. I'd do it again...or drive up, as we learned was possible when we trekked to the top of the falls.! This one is in Jamaica. Jamaica Vermont, that is.
The watch out for lions and tigers and BEARS, oh my, was worth the walk though. I really needed this day.

Spring chores and wild children

At last,it's time to wake up!

I've started scribbling my list of things I've got to get done. Again this year we are dealing with some deep diving to find the leak(s) in the pool liner. The guy in the pool store said it would need a whole new liner if there was more than 2 leaks! OH COME ON! My thinking is that unless they are all over the place I can make this last another 100yrs. At least. Is there anyone out there who's not trying to sell me something?
The pool is probably one of my most valued luxuries. It's my paradise. We paid more for it than any of our cars...though that doesn't mean we paid very much. It's the one place I can go and pretend I am anywhere and forget most problems. It's the one item my mom said never to buy, it would devalue our property she said. It's in it's 7th season and has been used well, mostly by me, who's secret ambition is to be a fish.

Another project is the garden. We always plan big but end up putting stuff in so many places it never shows. I've been digging a garden since I was a kid. My parents always encouraged digging and somehow the plants or seeds were always there for us. Maybe it was 10 x 12. Not exactly a field but enough to give us some sense of responsibility, some connection with our food. Bob, my husband grew up in a city and this is why he needs me, I am a farmer at heart. That and a pool liner fixer.
Unfortunately I didn't start the tomato seeds this year.I prefer them to anyone else's because they seem to grow best when I start them. They were my first science project here at home. I'd bring the cuttings in and then I played the role of the bee by using a Q tip to propagate the flowers and that's how one gets tomatoes indoors in the fall and winter in New England. I thought I was brilliant to discover this. I amuse easily. This was the earliest form of sex education, plant sex. I learned this from a woman who was born in 1900 and was a teacher. That's right, sex education in the sneakiest way they could tell us, but it went right over my tiny little mind! Of course now it's obvious.
There's also some asparagus roots that I must start. They're a perennial here so well worth the bother. They'll be popping up when the pool finally drops in 100 years.
A rose bush is another wish and I must find a good one.[or 2] Our field is literally filled with wild roses which smell like heaven in June, but I want one tame one which I can admire.
I love peonies too. Not only will they smell more powerful than a rose, they'll be pushing up every May long after the pool bites the dust. Those I spread everywhere, keeping the white one from the pink so it will stay white.
Potatoes: Those I am just going to dig a hole and put the sprouted ones from the kitchen drawer into. I'll hill them up as they grow. It's more for fun than to be a potato farmer. We do have a potato farm just down the street and they make it look like fun. It's a small family affair.
I've taken a clipping from the willow tree at the pond house. I really want a willow tree down by our end of the pond so let's hope it takes. I can already see it.

I think if someone doesn't inform you of what you can't grow you can grow anything! I recall Mrs. Popple, the now deceased greenhouse owner and friend whom I bought many plants from, telling me that delphiniums were very difficult to start. Well, not when you didn't know. Seeds, much like genes, they know exactly what to do if they are given the proper environment. They know exactly what they are supposed to be. Some seeds, like parsley, insist on being frozen and they will then germinate.Chocolate mint will stay chocolate mint as long as I don't grow it too close to regular peppermint. Wild herbs are the strongest and their vitamin content is superior which is why the Indians used them medicinally.
Perhaps we need more wild children. Kids who get their hands dirty and are allowed to discover the world from the tops of trees and by making pine cone soup and mud pie.
Which leads me to......
maybe kids who'll help me clean the top of the barn, if you're listening.: ) I KNOW you hear me, my wild ones. It's the biggest project on my list,the scariest one as well, but the one that will be most rewarding. It's time to reclaim the space and part out the junk, bit by bit.[we have a few months] It will make a wonderful studio and I always share.

This is just the beginning of my list. To see more would send me into shock and back into a false winter hibernation. When I see the upstairs in the barn it may send me into shock as well but I must be brave!

Instincts and intuition are virtues we are actually born with. They've been with us since day one when we first learn who to trust. Listen to your gut, trust your intuition, or your instincts will often lead you.
Just don't harm anyone Mary! Not yourself either. Those instincts are telling you something needs to change, not to kill.

Protect at times, YES, a strong instinct when we are in danger.

They were with us when we learned to walk and talk.
When they told us to be quiet we chattered away inside our head and they were none the wiser for all the noise we were making!
When we took our first steps those of us who were blessed with patient parents allowed us to go at our own pace, we weren't dragged along. Unless of course we were on a wild adventure and it was part of the story.

They are with us when we got sick and needed to sleep or when we suspect something is seriously wrong and we had to look for deeper answers.

They are there when we suddenly wake up hungry, hungry for answers or hungry for food because our belly is rumbling.

Even when we are uncertain of our next steps they are there, sometimes shouting so loud we simply disregard the inner voice as a foolish wish, a pipe dream.

Our intuition is there when we feel the need to connect with others.

Or when we need to be alone.

They were with me when I kept quiet and again when I found my voice.
I never really lost touch or respect for my own inner callings. I simply put some of myself on hold, MY OWN CHOICE, while I followed through on my instinct to be a mother and care for others. This wasn't a sacrifice, it was exactly what fed my soul. How many foolish people have asked "do you work?" The answer, "are you out of your mind!"
Of all the work I've done, babysitting, working with special ed kids, shops, even our business today where I haul furniture around and keep books and deal with all the details and many people, nothing was more exhausting or rewarding than being a mom or a wife. Everything else is fluff by comparison. No picture I ever paint will be as creative as the art of meeting and living with my crowd of characters. Still, I will paint it anyway, to tell my story. I will write to feed my soul and maybe shine the light on a path that's less often taken until one crashes and must find what's real again. I'll continue to read so I can see if there is a path I'd like to check out and add to my road. I'll let others teach me.

I do wonder how many others stay tuned to what it is they are called to do. I know many women on the internet who already follow their passions, they write. They give to others. They listen to their own intuition and follow those instincts.
They'd stand up to anyone to follow what they know in their gut is the way of healing. It doesn't stop there as they've then shared the way , shining a light for others. All this they give while they continue to be healing themselves. Amazing, is what they are!
Yes, there will be traps set by people who are so disconnected from who they are that they have a need to knock down others. I've met them. I've felt sorry for their way but not held down. In fact I've seen them as gifts to my soul, people who warn me away from the wrong path. It hurts to have people willfully separate from you but it's also what frees us to be who we truly need to be.

I wonder, what do your instincts tell you?

Do you listen?

Do you rest when your body says to rest and get up and get moving when it's hardest but you know it's the answer?

Do you fight when you feel called to take a stand and let it go when it doesn't matter?

Do you love when your instincts tell you to or are you afraid to love unless you are loved back?

There are so many ways we get in our own way. We are funny like that.

Today I think I am going to listen to my instincts and start clearing some of the old debris from my life. Make room for the studio even if it's really a room disguised as a loft in the mountains. Hmmmmmm

It's done! Something I never thought I'd do, the BLOG. I've began my own place where I can dream a little, toss around ideas, and share my own. The template I picked is different from the sage green one I can see. I like the green so I'll try it for awhile. I'm learning.
Welcome to my place where the water runs deep in places so wear a life jacket if you need one. Other than that we'll have to wait and see!